Religion, Marriage, and “Other People’s” Opinions

Welcome to another installment of what Whitney and I are calling ‘collective blogging.’ To refresh everyone’s memory, we will both be writing blog entries on the same topic as an exercise to see how different our thought processes and memories are. Hopefully it will be good practice for an idea we have for NaNoWriMo 2009 – to write the same novel, but separately.

Today’s Topic:  Interfaith Marriage

A bit of background:

I was raised Catholic.  Attended Catholic school from pre-school through high school.  Went to church every Sunday, plus Holy Days of Obligation.  Et cetera, et cetera.  But by the time I was leaving high school, I was a bit turned-off by organized religion… or at least, by the organized religion in which I was raised.  By the time I entered college, it seemed rather hypocritical to me, the whole religion-thing.  Why did some people show up for church on Christmas and Easter, but none of the other days of the year?  Why should I tell a priest all my “sins” when in reality he is no less human than I am?  Were all the new friends I was making somehow wrong for not being Catholic?  Add in the fact that I was being trained as a scientist and experiencing all the questions about God vs. religion that come along with science, and it’s little wonder I eventually turned away from religion in general.

I don’t say this to make you think I’ve given up on the concept of a higher power.  I haven’t.  But I suspect my feelings on today’s topic might be better understood if you know what I think, in my life.   I have even mused about my feelings about religion in previous blogs, here.

All that said, I think it’s OK to now tell you that the reason I feel compelled to write a blog on interfaith marriage is that I am engaged to a man who was raised decidedly not Catholic.  He is, like me, a scientist, and therefore has trouble with organized religion (among other reasons for his issues with it).  So when it came time to begin envisioning our wedding ceremony, the decision to go non-denominational was pretty darn easy.  No one on his side getting annoyed by the Catholic traditions, no one on my side getting annoyed by his family’s traditions.  We’ve already discussed how we’d like to raise any future children, so we figured we had closed the book on people having problems with our wedding.  Right?

WRONG!

Apparently having a non-denominational wedding ceremony does not exempt you from the judgment and narrow-mindedness of those who believe their religion and their way is the only way.  Alex and I never even thought of our marriage as an “interfaith marriage” until this week!  Which led me to ask the question… what is the big deal about interfaith marriage?

To be able to answer this, I needed to first figure out what interfaith marriage means.  Is it just a marriage between two people of completely different traditions, like Islam and Judaism?  Or are the finer differences just as important, like when one person is Methodist and the other is Baptist?  Also, is it really that uncommon for people of different faiths to want to get married?  Are Alex and I truly part of an anomolous group of people?  So I started thinking, and digging.

The first thing I found out is that interfaith marriage is a much bigger deal than I ever gave it credit for.  A quick search on Google, or on Amazon.com for “interfaith marriage” reading material will tell you that much.  Then I found out that while it’s not quite as problematic for people within a major denomination, such as Protestantism, to marry, it is still considered an interfaith marriage when that happens.  And then there are the statistics.  27% of Americans are in interfaith marriages, and the number goes up to 37% when you start counting interdenominational marriages.

OK… 37% is a pretty large number.  So, what is the big deal, exactly?  There are so many people who clearly think this works out fine that it seems like it should create fewer social issues than it actually does.  If the couple doing the marrying is OK with it, I figure that should be all that matters.  Furthermore, in the US, marriage is more a legal contract than a religious one – that’s why you need a license from the state if you want to get married.  So if the state the couple lives in is OK saying they’re married, shouldn’t that be it?  I know that many people desire the blessing of their deity on their marriage – but that’s just it, it’s a blessing.  It’s not a sanction, at least not in this country.  Which is why I’d love to know how people get away with telling other people they disagree with a marriage on religious grounds – not on legal grounds, on religious grounds.  What gives?

And then I realized what gives.  The First Amendment.  That’s what gives.  It says every American has the right to freedom of religion – which means people who want to have an interfaith marriage and practice whatever religion they want, can, without having a problem – and it also guarantees the right to freedom of speech – which means if someone wants to stand up and oppose an interfaith marriage at the top of their lungs, they can.  In my experience the kind of people who would oppose an interfaith marriage are the kind of people who have no problems telling other people why they are right and everyone else is wrong.  Perhaps this is why it is such a big deal, even though maybe it ought not to be.

I am perfectly happy going into an interfaith marriage.  I don’t believe my children will be any worse for wear when they are exposed to more than one set of religious traditions.  And I don’t believe either one of us (or anyone else who has entered into an interfaith marriage) is condemned to eternal damnation for marrying outside any one religion.  I think the people who take issue with this type of thing are making a mountain out of a mole hill, and ultimately taking away from a day that is about the couple in question, and nobody else’s feelings or beliefs.

But that’s just my two cents.  Good thing I’m constitutionally protected to give them out.

If you want to read about Whitney’s take on interfaith marriage, go here !

On the Merits (Or Lack Thereof) of Lent

Welcome to another installment of what Whitney and I are calling ‘collective blogging.’ To refresh everyone’s memory, we will both be writing blog entries on the same topic every Friday as a sort-of exercise to see how different our thought processes and memories are. Hopefully it will be good practice for an idea we have for NaNoWriMo 2009 – to write the same novel, but separately.

Topic: LENT

Ah, Lent.

To quote a friend, “Catholics really got the short end of the stick on that one.”

I can say that, because I was raised in a fully Catholic household, and can say unequivocally that Catholics really do get the short end of whatever stick we’re talking about when it comes to Lent.

I will back up.  Lent begins on Ash Wednesday (which is today) and continues for approximately 40 days until Easter Sunday.  The point of Lent is to, a) remind us of Jesus’ sacrifice for 40 days and nights in the desert and b) to have each of us learn self-sacrifice.  I’m over-simplifying, but I think that gives the gist of what Lent is about.  The self-sacrifice bit is primarily accomplished through a combination of fasting, (I know everyone has heard, “No meat on Fridays!”) and giving up something important to you, something that is difficult to give up. 

I was an active participant in the whole Lenten observation thing for all of my childhood and part of my adolesence.  One year, around the age of ten, I gave up chocolate for Lent.  That’s hard for a little kid.  Do you have any idea how many cookies and candies and cakes and drinks involve chocolate?  A lot.  Especially when you’re ten.  That was a glorious Easter morning – I probably ate three Cadbury Creme Eggs before breakfast.  My parents, especially my mom, always made a point of encouraging the whole giving-something-up-for-Lent extravaganza.  But when I hit the middle of high school and started thinking a bit more for myself about religion and religious customs, I began to feel like Lent was a bit… dumb.

I still feel that way.  So I don’t do Lent.  To be honest, I don’t buy into organized religion in general, which is probably a separate blog, but I especially don’t buy into Lent.  To me, there is no reason given in the Bible for giving things like meat and chocolate up.  That is something the Church imposed on us, probably for economic reasons, a thousand years ago.  And I never once felt anything remotely spiritual as a result of sacrificing for Lent.  I felt exactly the opposite.  The teachers and priests and my parents could explain it all they wanted, but I always felt like it was just mean and… well, dumb.  The short end of the stick, if you will.

The only value I see in the season of Lent is that it gives people a reason to celebrate Mardi Gras, and it makes McDonald’s drop the price on Filet-O-Fish sandwiches.   So while Lent is not for me, I do hope the people who feel there is value to Lenten sacrifice continue to do what they are doing.  I am always looking for a good reason to pig out on spicy foods, or on delicious greasy fried fish.

Whitney wrote a blog about her take on Lent.  You can check it out here.