While this particular URL will remain active, new posts and updated information will now only be posting to:

http://limpetfan.betelgeuseorbust.com

I have made this change for several, personal, reasons.  I still love WordPress.com!  But my new platform gives me much more control over my layout, and the blog has grown enough where I feel that kind of control is necessary.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you all update your bookmarks to the new site!

I’m not going to bore you with a list of the things we did, the places we saw, or the foods we ate.  Suffice it to say, we saw a lot of amazing things, and ate some delicious meals.  For example, here is a picture of our favorite piazza, Piazza della Signoria:

Who wouldn’t love a piazza full of statues of naked men?!  As another example, here is the sample platter the owner of a local wine bar made us our first night in Florence:

Clockwise from 12 o’clock on this platter you see young Pecorino cheese, medium-aged Pecorino cheese, and well-aged Pecorino cheese, local olives, local pears, prosciutto, traditional salami, and Tuscan salami (which is softer and has fennel in it).  There are also 2 locally-made jams on the plate: sweet white wine and fig.

Yup, that’s right, I went to Italy and all I have to talk about are naked men statues and food!

That’s not really true.  Our trip was very interesting.  It got off to a really interesting start.  It took us over 13 hours to arrive in Florence, and when we walked into our hotel to check-in, we were informed that the hotel was full because of the large pharmaceutical convention going on in town.  I had confirmed the reservation only 2 weeks before, so Alex and I looked at each other with identical “oh crap, now what do we do” expressions.  But the gentleman only let us freak out for about 30 seconds before explaining that there had been some sort of computer glitch, and that they (Vivahotel Laurus al Duomo) were taking care of the mistake by putting us up in a nicer, more expensive, hotel across town.  He even went outside and hailed a cab for us, then paid the driver to take us to the new hotel.  And it turned out he wasn’t lying to get us out of his hair.  We wound up dropped off in front of the Hotel Berchielli, unsure what our reception was going to be.  Our apprehensions were unfounded, though, because we were checked in immediately and brought to our room, where we discovered our view was this:

Not too shabby!  The hotel was very nice, too, we were thoroughly impressed and happy with our experience.

Something Alex and I were quite surprised by was how happy the Italians were to have American tourists in Florence.  We were told over and over again that they haven’t been getting many Americans, and we were always treated very well.  Also interesting to us was that the only Americans we met were from the New York area.  And the people we met were always really friendly – which backs up my belief that New Yorkers really get a bad rap, because we are generally much friendlier than we are given credit for.  We even ran into one couple twice – first on our wine tour of the Chianti region, and then at a little restaurant in the Oltrarno section of Florence where we stopped to have pizza for lunch one afternoon.

All in all, Alex and I will definitely be heading back to Italy as soon as we can swing it!

*sigh*

Well, I had to call my bank back today because a stop payment fee posted to my account that should NOT have posted, since all this crap is not my fault and my bank assured me no such charge would show up as part of their remedy to my wacky situation.  I’m quite happy I called, because I was informed that the remedy – stopping the direct deposit from clearing and then blocking that transit number from ever touching my account again – isn’t actually possible.  Apparently banks can’t stop money going into accounts, only out.

*sigh again*

Point of the story?  I’m now told all I can do is not touch this money that isn’t mine, and close the account if I don’t want more money being deposited.  Oh, and the person who told me this clearly thought I was crazy.

It seems there is a good chance I will be left with this money sitting in my account for a while.  If anyone knows the statute of limitations on unclaimed money, I’d love to know what it is.  I still don’t want it, but if no one is ever going to fix the mistake or take it back, I have no idea what else to do!

To be more specific…

I’m really protective of my checking account.  And I’m paranoid about it.  So I log in to my online banking account at least once a day to make sure everything is correct.  And it always is.  At least, that was true until 2 weeks ago, when I noticed a direct deposit into my account from a place listed as “Simon Property G.”

What the heck is that?  you may wonder.  Well, I did, too.  I had no idea what this company was or why they would be giving me money.  It turns out, it’s a mall holding company, and one of its properties happens to be the mall near me.  You can learn more here.  For the record, I am in no way plugging this company.  In fact, they really ticked me off, because when I tried to call them and their bank to tell them they made a mistake, no one could be bothered helping me.  Hello?!  I’m trying to return money to you, you idiots!  You’d think in this economy they would appreciate such a call, but apparently I am mistaken.

So I called my bank and explained what happened.  They said there is little they can do, except look up the scant details available on the transaction – which told them the direct deposit had my name on it.  So as far as my bank can tell, it’s legitimate.  This didn’t sit well with me, because it means someone has my name and my bank information, and I didn’t give it to them.  So I made the decision to start the process to close my account and get a new one, so that there can’t be any future issues.

Well, that’s a little more time-intensive than I expected, because my employer uses direct deposit.  So I have to leave this account open until they can change everything over.  *sigh*

In the meantime, nothing else shady had happened with my account.  I logged in everyday, and everything was totally fine.  And then I logged in today… exactly 2 weeks since the initial problem transaction.  Guess what?  There was another direct deposit – and this one was for a LOT more money!

So I flipped out.  To me, this is obviously someone’s paycheck, or else a huge mistake of some sort, so I called my bank again.  They, of course, think I’m certifiable for complaining.  The deposits are coming in with my name, after all.  I had to explain to 3 different people why this is not OK with me, and that I do not feel this is money I am owed before they realized I was just being HONEST and trying to do the right thing.  Now steps have been taken to remedy the problem and find out what is going on.  In the meantime, I am left waiting for a new pin number for a new account, with limited access to cash, because I am trying to protect the money that IS mine from being tampered with.  Oh yeah, and did I mention that I am going to Europe next week?  Fantastic timing, isn’t it?

I will say, the people at my bank (the name of which I do not want to disclose here), were very helpful and understanding.  I suspect they simply aren’t trained for dealing with a person calling the bank and complaining about an excess of money.

My friend tells me I probably get double good karma points for reporting the problem.  I wonder if she’s right….

Today’s Topic:  Does Lying a Good Marriage Make?

Today’s topic was inspired by this article, which Whitney found and sent to me last week.

“Marriage cannot exist without dishonesty.” ????!!!!  Really?!  As a soon-to-be-married person, I was rather taken aback by this statement.  Obviously I don’t have all the answers, since I’m not married yet, but this did not seem like the type of advice one normally listens to.   And so I had to think about what a lie really is, and what it means, before I could decide how I felt about this article.

Here is what I found:

The Dictionary.com definition of “lie”

1. A false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood
2. Something intended or serving to convey a false impression; imposture
3. An inaccurate or false statement
4. The charge or accusation of lying

Then there is the lie of omission, whereby you omit an important fact and deliberately leave another person with a misconception.

This is interesting because my fiancee and I disagree on whether or not lies of omission are truly lies.  He says if you haven’t actually said something that’s untrue, it’s not a lie.  I say if you leave something out that will give a different view or understanding, it is a lie.  You can be the judge, since the definition of lie is directly above this paragraph.  But it’s interesting that a committed couple would argue about lying, and if it’s good or bad in this manner.  Which happens to fall right into what this article is talking about!

I always thought the key to a good marriage – and really any relationship – is open and honest communication.  It seems to me that lying to decidedly not open and honest.  So my initial reaction to this article was to think it was a load of crap.  Don’t tell me the way to make my marriage work will be to tell lies to my husband!  I most certainly do not want him telling lies to me – like saying he likes my meatballs if he really doesn’t.  **Note, I am not accusing Alex of disliking my meatballs, this is merely an example.**  That would mean he is doomed to a life of eating meals he doesn’t want!

(As a side note, this makes me think of a funny story.  In college, one of my roommates (Jessica) and I had another roommate who was not the greatest at cooking.  She had a boyfriend who came over a lot, and he was too polite to tell her he didn’t like her meals.  I remember one time in particular when she had made chicken and biscuits out of a box, and served it to all of us.  It was terrible.  Jessica and I made up a story about needing to go get tampons at the store and left, but really we were going to Taco Bell.  The poor guy had to stay and pretend to like the food, then putz around the kitchen late that night looking for something else to eat because he couldn’t tell her the truth!  I do not want this for Alex.)

So, like I said, initially I thought this article was irritatingly bad advice.  But… then I thought of a piece of advice I’ve been given a lot over the last couple of years: you have to pick your battles.  This is, I believe, key to making a relationship work.  Something the author of this article wrote is quite true – when you spend the amount of time with a person that you spend with your spouse, they are going to get on your nerves.  No one is 100% thrilled about everything about their significant other 100% of the time.  But if you were to point out every little thing honestly, you’d fight all the time, and your partner would be left wondering why you’re with them at all.  Which makes me have to conclude that a part of this article is true. It is important to tell the whole truth to your spouse, but sometimes, when it’s just not that important, it is better to let it go and keep your opinion to yourself.  I don’t think there is a formula to this.  But, I don’t think in any equation you’d find room for lying about big things, like how you want to raise kids or where you spent the night.  As awful as the concept of lying to your spouse seems, the concept of getting divorced over which way the toilet paper should hang seems infinitely more terrible.

If you’d like to read Whitney’s take on this article, you can read it here!

Today’s Topic:  Interfaith Marriage

A bit of background:

I was raised Catholic.  Attended Catholic school from pre-school through high school.  Went to church every Sunday, plus Holy Days of Obligation.  Et cetera, et cetera.  But by the time I was leaving high school, I was a bit turned-off by organized religion… or at least, by the organized religion in which I was raised.  By the time I entered college, it seemed rather hypocritical to me, the whole religion-thing.  Why did some people show up for church on Christmas and Easter, but none of the other days of the year?  Why should I tell a priest all my “sins” when in reality he is no less human than I am?  Were all the new friends I was making somehow wrong for not being Catholic?  Add in the fact that I was being trained as a scientist and experiencing all the questions about God vs. religion that come along with science, and it’s little wonder I eventually turned away from religion in general.

I don’t say this to make you think I’ve given up on the concept of a higher power.  I haven’t.  But I suspect my feelings on today’s topic might be better understood if you know what I think, in my life.   I have even mused about my feelings about religion in previous blogs, here.

All that said, I think it’s OK to now tell you that the reason I feel compelled to write a blog on interfaith marriage is that I am engaged to a man who was raised decidedly not Catholic.  He is, like me, a scientist, and therefore has trouble with organized religion (among other reasons for his issues with it).  So when it came time to begin envisioning our wedding ceremony, the decision to go non-denominational was pretty darn easy.  No one on his side getting annoyed by the Catholic traditions, no one on my side getting annoyed by his family’s traditions.  We’ve already discussed how we’d like to raise any future children, so we figured we had closed the book on people having problems with our wedding.  Right?

WRONG!

Apparently having a non-denominational wedding ceremony does not exempt you from the judgment and narrow-mindedness of those who believe their religion and their way is the only way.  Alex and I never even thought of our marriage as an “interfaith marriage” until this week!  Which led me to ask the question… what is the big deal about interfaith marriage?

To be able to answer this, I needed to first figure out what interfaith marriage means.  Is it just a marriage between two people of completely different traditions, like Islam and Judaism?  Or are the finer differences just as important, like when one person is Methodist and the other is Baptist?  Also, is it really that uncommon for people of different faiths to want to get married?  Are Alex and I truly part of an anomolous group of people?  So I started thinking, and digging.

The first thing I found out is that interfaith marriage is a much bigger deal than I ever gave it credit for.  A quick search on Google, or on Amazon.com for “interfaith marriage” reading material will tell you that much.  Then I found out that while it’s not quite as problematic for people within a major denomination, such as Protestantism, to marry, it is still considered an interfaith marriage when that happens.  And then there are the statistics.  27% of Americans are in interfaith marriages, and the number goes up to 37% when you start counting interdenominational marriages.

OK… 37% is a pretty large number.  So, what is the big deal, exactly?  There are so many people who clearly think this works out fine that it seems like it should create fewer social issues than it actually does.  If the couple doing the marrying is OK with it, I figure that should be all that matters.  Furthermore, in the US, marriage is more a legal contract than a religious one – that’s why you need a license from the state if you want to get married.  So if the state the couple lives in is OK saying they’re married, shouldn’t that be it?  I know that many people desire the blessing of their deity on their marriage – but that’s just it, it’s a blessing.  It’s not a sanction, at least not in this country.  Which is why I’d love to know how people get away with telling other people they disagree with a marriage on religious grounds – not on legal grounds, on religious grounds.  What gives?

And then I realized what gives.  The First Amendment.  That’s what gives.  It says every American has the right to freedom of religion – which means people who want to have an interfaith marriage and practice whatever religion they want, can, without having a problem – and it also guarantees the right to freedom of speech – which means if someone wants to stand up and oppose an interfaith marriage at the top of their lungs, they can.  In my experience the kind of people who would oppose an interfaith marriage are the kind of people who have no problems telling other people why they are right and everyone else is wrong.  Perhaps this is why it is such a big deal, even though maybe it ought not to be.

I am perfectly happy going into an interfaith marriage.  I don’t believe my children will be any worse for wear when they are exposed to more than one set of religious traditions.  And I don’t believe either one of us (or anyone else who has entered into an interfaith marriage) is condemned to eternal damnation for marrying outside any one religion.  I think the people who take issue with this type of thing are making a mountain out of a mole hill, and ultimately taking away from a day that is about the couple in question, and nobody else’s feelings or beliefs.

But that’s just my two cents.  Good thing I’m constitutionally protected to give them out.

If you want to read about Whitney’s take on interfaith marriage, go here !

Today’s Topic: Thoughts and Memories on the First Week of Being Engaged

A major milestone was reached for me since I last posted on my blog.  I am now engaged!  Since Whitney and I can now say we both have experienced the first week of betrothal, we decided to make that the topic of this collective blog post.

You know how in school, when you’re writing those God-awful essays for college entrance or scholarship contests, they like to ask you to pick one word to describe yourself or an experience and then explain why you chose that word?  Well, the only word I can think of to sum up the experience of the first week of being an engaged person is this: surreal.   I definitely never thought I would get married (you can ask any of my friends, they will back me up on that), and I definitely never thought I would be getting married to Alex.  He is definitely everything I never knew I always wanted.  And I hate to say this, because I think it probably sounds awful, but I can only remember the proposal in bits and pieces.  I know what we did and what he said before it, and after it, but the actual proposal is a bit hazy.  Alex feels the same way; people ask him what he said and he can’t remember!  It’s like someone else’s life to both of us right now.

On top of the feeling that I’ve been removed from my body, there is the realization that one of my closest friends was dead-on balls accurate about one thing: people who are normally rational human beings can become totally crazy when you announce a wedding.  Demands get made that you didn’t see coming.  Things get blown out of proportion that you never would have thought were a big deal to someone.  And then there are the politics of weddings – the guest list, the budget, the wedding party.  And it’s only the first week!  Then there are the questions that have been asked, more than once, by many people, that I didn’t realize you have to be prepared to answer right away.  For example, many people have asked us if I cried when he proposed, or if he cried when he proposed.  To me this is weird, because I’m not really a crier and neither is Alex.  Were we supposed to cry?  Is there something wrong with us because we didn’t?  Obviously this is not as strange a question as I think it is because many people have asked it, but it sure threw me off!  I’ve also been asked many times, in some cases the day after the proposal, if we’d set a date yet.  This one I understand, and it’s a logical question to ask a newly engaged couple, but still!  The other one that threw me off the first time I got it was whether or not I have decided on colors for the wedding.  Again, now that I’ve gotten the question a bunch of times and thought about the reasons, I understand this question.  But it’s pretty overwhelming at first!  (Actually, everything is overwhelming at first…)

And then we come to the ring.  I love my ring.  It’s beautiful and I am so proud of the way Alex put it together.  I expected people to want to see it.  I expected myself to look at it a lot.  I did NOT expect that I would be as paranoid as I am about having something happen to it.  Some things are obvious, like don’t wear it if you’re cleaning or doing loads of dishes.  Other things I struggled with at first, and am still struggling with, like hand washing, and showering, and sleeping with it on.  I work in a lab, and it never once occurred to me before I was engaged that you have to decide whether or not you want to wear your ring at work, because lab gloves don’t exactly fit over the ring.  I wear mine, and got bigger gloves, for the record.

So my general impression of being engaged, a little over one week in, is that it’s a lot to take in, and I still haven’t fully absorbed it all!

If you want to read Whitney’s take on her first week of being engaged, you can read it here.

I suppose I ought to explain why I watched it three times in a week.  I borrowed the DVD from my dad and watched it on my own one night with a glass of wine.  But I thought there were some pieces that were so very true that I made Alex watch it with me the next night.  And then JetBlue had the same movie as the feature on our flight from Aruba to NYC.  Oops.  That’s what always happens, isn’t it?

The trouble is, by the time I got to my third viewing, I was pissed off at the movie.  I felt it was rather disappointing in its message.

In case you haven’t seen the movie, I advise you to not read any further because what I am about to say will be a spoiler for you.

He’s Just Not That Into You is a movie based on a book written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo by the same title.  I’ve read the book.  I think I still own a copy of it.  The whole point of the book is to explain why women should get over guys that don’t show interest, because it’s OK that not every guy is interested.  It also gives hints to identify this behavior in men you might be currently involved with.  The movie picks up this theme, and weaves together a bunch of storylines that all involve some variation of “he/she’s not that into you.”  One of the male characters has a sort-of mantra: you’re the rule, not the exception.  Just because girls tell each other stories about a friend of a friend of a cousin who had some guy be a total jerk but then wound up getting married to the jerk and being happy doesn’t mean life will go that way for you, because that’s the exception, not the rule, he says.

I think this is fantastic for women to hear.  I know I spent way more time than I ever should have making excuses or reassuring myself with some story about someone else’s life that gave me hope for my loser of a boyfriend.  Most women fall into that trap.  I think that’s why the book was so successful when it was published – successful enough that a self-help book was turned into a major motion picture with actors like Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck, and Jennifer Connolly to boot.  I also have pretty strong opinions about Hollywood conditioning women to expect “the fairy tale” when it comes to love, and how that can actually sabotage real-life relationships, so I had high hopes for this movie.  (See blogs here and here if you are curious about my opinions on fairy-tale love expectations.)

So you can imagine my disappointment when He’s Just Not That Into You turned out to be merely another example of a cheesy Hollywood ending, where the main characters turn out to be the exception, not the rule, and everyone is happy in the end.  WTF?!  Even the male character (name happens to be Alex) who insists most people are the rule ends up making an exception!  It’s the worst cliche ending!  This movie is not appropriate for Anti-Valentine’s Day parties at all – which is exactly what it was marketed as, because it was released just in time for Valentine’s Day 2009.

To be fair, I did watch the movie 3 times, so obviously there must have been something about it that at least entertained me.  And there was.  The truth behind some of the characters’ frustrations was incredibly funny to watch and relate to.  Social media networks for finding romance, the silly things girls do when a guy hasn’t called them yet, and guys do when they are playing “the game” … all these things make the movie fun to watch once.

I’m just not sold on it being a movie for people who are single and looking for an escape from the typical romantic comedy.

I have a pretty good reason for the writing hiatus: I moved.

Moving is a pain, I think most people would agree with that statement.  But it becomes even more painful when in the process of the move you are forced to forfeit one of your prized possessions.

This is exactly what happened to me this past Saturday.

I have – or should I say HAD – a really nice couch.  It was big and comfy, but not in an ugly way.  It was covered in sage-colored microfiber, so it was soft.  It had loads of pillows.  It had a full-sized pull-out bed in it.  And, most importantly, it was the very first piece of real furniture I ever owned.  This couch was mine.  It wasn’t passed down when one of my parents redecorated, or inherited from a roommate who left it behind.  It was bought brand-new, for me, chosen by me.  It went to three different apartments with me over 6 years.  It saw me through lots of tough times – the kind of times when all you want to do is curl up on your couch with a blanket and a tub of ice cream and the remote control or a good book and a bottle of wine.

It would probably be a fair statement that I have a sentimental attachment to this couch.

I was a bit worried that there would be  a problem moving it into my new apartment.  The new place certainly has room for it, I wasn’t worried about that.  No, I was worried about the physics of it making its way through the front door to the apartment.  I didn’t see how it would fit.  However, I had professional movers doing my heavy lifting, so I figured, hey, they’re professionals!  They must know a way to move a couch into an apartment with this particular front entryway layout!

NOPE.

They tried.  They tried very hard.  But the couch was not coming through the door unless we wanted to cut it in half.  So it spent an hour on the front lawn, awaiting its fate, while the rest of my boxes and furniture moved into their new home.  Alex and I debated what to do.  Was there another way into the apartment?  No.  Was there someplace we could send the couch until we lived somewhere it would fit?  Not that we could think of right away.  How would we replace the couch?  (This one is still being debated.)  In the end, the movers drove off, my first-ever grown-up piece of furniture loaded back on their truck, its fate uncertain.  I was crushed.

Luckily, the story has a somewhat-happy ending.  My father called the movers and asked them to bring the couch to his house, where it will reside in his game room until I can once again have it in my living room.

So if you come to visit me, I apologize in advance for the lack of a couch.

GALAXY ZOO

I initially read about the project in Natural History magazine.

So cool!